Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Still dying that you shit outside
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
