I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
