Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
