Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
