When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
