I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
