I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
