Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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