so explain again why im purple
no
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
