Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
