my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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