she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
