Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
