Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
