Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
