and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
