yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
