Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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