all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
