Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
