im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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