i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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