She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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