I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
