Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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