I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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