I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
