Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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