I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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