i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
