its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We left the knife in your bed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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