I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
