so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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