Too much gin, very little bucket
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
