she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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