bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
