apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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