walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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