Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
