Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
