Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
