i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
