I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
