as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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