all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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