I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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