don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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