i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
