just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
