Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
