dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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