Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
