you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
